Friday, August 8, 2008

Girls, Check Out That Rockefeller Before You Marry Him

Harvard Business School graduate Sandra Boss lived with her husband "Clark Rockefeller" in a fancy Boston brownstone, and summered in a mansion in New Hampshire. They owned a yacht, had a beautiful daughter, Reigh, and lived a privileged life.Ms. Boss has a successful financial career as a partner in a global management consulting firm and has worked as a consultant to Mayor Michael Bloomberg and Senator Schumer.

Rockefeller was a stay-at-home father with no ID, drivers license, social security number or credit cards and no family, friends or past life.

Somewhere along the line Ms. Boss became aware that something just wasn't right.

The rest is history. During the divorce, Rockefeller gave up custody of his daughter (and received close to a million dollars from his wife) rather than reveal his real identity, according to the Boston Herald.

This led to the now-famous kidnapping of Reigh, which led to the worldwide manhunt -- even to Brooklyn, where Rockefeller was (wrongly, it turns out) sighted on a bus. Which led to his capture, and Reigh's return.

Which led to his possible identification by a man in Germany as his long-lost brother. (Fox News) Which led to him being ID'ed as a weird German exchange student and con artist who has for decades been "using different aliases in order to live a lavish life."

Which led to him being tentatively identified as the man who killed his landlord and his wife, chopped up his body, packed it into three bags and buried it in the backyard.

So girls, here are a few tips to take before you marry that mysterious heir to a vast family fortune:

1. Ask to see some identification.

2. In the middle of the night, ask him a question in German and see if he answers.

3. After a decent interval but before you get married, say in a jolly tone of voice, "Now it's my turn to meet your family."

4. Crack jokes like, "Rob any banks lately?" and see what he says.

5. Show him an ink blot strongly resembling an ax and ask him what it looks like.

6. Google him. Really. You'd be surprised.

7. Try to observe little telling details, like wet paint on that "Picasso" in the hallway.

8. Tell him you really aren't a multi-millionaire, it was all a joke (ha ha!), and see what he says.

9. Ask him if he can break a hundred.

10. Ask him why his email name is killerclown349.

We hope this helps make one of life's thornier problems a little easier.

Photo of John D. Rockefeller courtesy of Western Virginia Community College

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